Trainwreck.

I really love trainwrecks. It’s sad, but I really can’t get enough. I loved the Britney meltdown, the Mariah hospitalization, Winona Ryder losing it, the Mel Gibson fiasco, the Tom Cruise insanity, Whitney Houston snapping, LiLo’s stuper and liked the Charlie Sheen thing for a minute but he’s currently overboard. A little too trainwrecked for my taste.. I considered for a second about buying a ticket to his tour, but I don’t want to feed anyone’s drug habit, so I’ll stay home with a bottle of wine and online shopping and feed my own habit thankyouverymuch. Hey, I just noticed that all of the above ‘situations’ would make really great band names. I hope that one day when I lose it, which is definitely going to happen (and probably soon), someone forever memorializes my unfortunate state of affairs with a rock band. Bethie goes Bonkers. Catchy. Knowing me and how I flip when I’m hungry or tired or when a child is in my presence….when I do have that breakdown, it’s going to be epic. You guys should probably start practicing for the finale anthem now.

Speaking of trainwrecks….

Teen Mom 2

Jenelle. Oh Jenelle. My favorite little life mess. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

1- You make me completely forget that there are other teen moms on the show with you. Corey and Leah’s wedding? Who cares! Adam moved out of Chelsea’s apartment and only left his toolbox and blazer? A clear goldmine of comments, but….so what! Kailyn and Joe hate each other again? Boo Hoo! I mean, Leah’s bachelorette was at her MOTHER’S house where they were putting condoms on bananas and talking about vibrators and instead of being absolutely horrified and holding back puke – I was mentally half there all because I was chomping at the bit for them to show Jenelle and her hemp necklace again.

2 – There is nothing sweeter than baby Ali and her little Mr. Potato Head glasses and the way Corey and Leah are with her…. but I want Jenelle and her mother’s nails-on-a-blackboard-sounds-the-same-talking-as-it-does-yelling voice screeching at her as much as I can possibly get it. Nothing else. I’ll keep the rest of the cast in my prayers, but I feel like Charlie Sheen here. I NEED my Jenelle fix.

3- She knows her mom already hates her, so the next logical thing to do to get her approval in life is to steal her credit card and go on a road trip. Obvi. Then she cries when her mom tells her she mailed back her financial aid check back. Jenelle, you didn’t see that coming? Really? …Really?

4- I firmly believe that when Jace starts talking, his first words will be “Real Nice, Jenelle” – the direct influence of his grandmother and it’ll be the loudest, most Southern, most irritating voice of a child you’ve ever heard in your life.

5- She never thought that not showing up to work and not calling would directly result in her getting fired.

Her lack of common sense, ability to care about anyone else other than herself or her goofy boyfriend Kiefer, and scream-fests with her mother in front of her baby make her a certified candidate for a band named after her. Any suggestions? I can’t wait for the finale tonight… I could pee! Mugshots!!

Bethenny Ever After

I am a little behind with this one which I’m not sure I can forgive myself for since Bethenny Frankel is my all time favorite reality star.  From The Apprentice: Martha Stewart, to HWoNY, to Bethenny Getting Married, to Skating with the Stars, to Bethenny Ever After… I have never missed a show. I am obsessed. So much so that I’m very seriously considering never speaking to my brother-in-law again because he hates her. As a result, our relationship is on the rocks. (Kathy, tell Timmy that… since I’m not speaking to him.)

I get it – she’s opinionated, she’s loud, she’s sarcastic, she can be crude, what she’s thinking is never not written on her face…but she’s the shit and she’s kind. Not a lot of people are kind anymore. Taking care of people – Gina with the mani/pedi and baptism, her assistant with the raise and the makeover, Nick the foodie with you know… just general attention. I completely love her.  However… there is someone I could potentially love more than Bethenny at some point in time…Bryn. In every scene, Bryn’s facial expression never changes and totally sums up my feelings on life – not impressed and unamused.

In regards to Nick – What is the big gay ice cream truck and how do I get it involved in my life? I love gays and I f’in love ice cream. I love that he’ll be her new food blogger for her site. I get tons of healthy recipes off her website, so now I’ll be able to also go to her site and read all about restaurants and food stops that I’ll want to eat at but aren’t even remotely close to where I live and will constantly be let down. Yipee! I actually am more curious about him and the thoughts that go through his mind. Looking forward to it! I almost peed when he scurried across the street to get alcohol for the smoothies and then was pushing the baby carriage. How do I get a Nick?

I feel like the whole Christening situation was one that would completely happen to me. Standing on the street, recollecting myself wearing a ceremonial burnt orange head scarf after my daughter was pseudo-baptized in a Yoruba church after being ripped out of my arms without my consent. Naturally this would take place right around Halloween when Miah and I dressed up as a family of pandas and went trick-or-treating. Sounds about right. I can’t believe my brother in law doesn’t like her. I really don’t know what my sister sees in him.

All About Aubrey

Completely forgot about this trainwreck when I listed them earlier! She went downhill quick. I loved her on Making the Band… then as the time went on, her egos, lips and boobies grew too big for anyone to handle. So sad. Now with her new show, I can see, first hand, that Aubrey O’Day is still criminally insane but trying to get her career back. My kind of television show! Her house is loaded of self portraits, her outfits are cringe-worthy, her relationship with her father is borderline suspect, her dogs are pink and purple and her face only moves from the top lip down. I’m OBSESSED.

I’m working on catching up, but did you see the episode where her father visits? Y-O-W-Z-E-R-S. She warns her friends that he is more of an embarrassing uncle than a father and that he is a cross between Jack Nicholson, a pimp and an old sea captain. I knew this was gonna be good. She takes him to a lesbian bar because he thought for a while that she may be a lesbian…. then later on we see Aubrey and her friend take naked pictures cuddling in a sauna and put it on Twitter. Huh, where would he get that thought? In any event, the lesbian bar is insane – he admits he looked for her only after she got famous, he grinds on her friend, snuggles with Aubrey…. I couldn’t tell if they were trying to make him a likable character because I was 100% creeped out.

I liked the show, but wasn’t positive about how I felt about Aubrey. She puts her dogs in bikinis with chicken cutlets for boost, she wears henna stickers up her arms, and well, of course, her father. But then…. THEN… she went jogging. Jogging, schmogging…. but she was wearing a Beiber shirt!! Immediately, I started following her on Twitter. She won me back. I am now once again a fan of this expressionless gem with no help from PDiddy this time.

Moral of the Story: Trainwrecks are my favorite.

Just a Thought: I bought concert tickets for tomorrow night off of a spiritual medium who “can’t go” to the show. Great. With my luck, she probably saw something unfortunate happen and got herself out of that situation real quick. Just in case, it’s been real peeps.

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1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    lindsay said,

    bethenny signed for a 3rd season! I’m sure you already know!


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