Onions & SUV’s.

I want to be a part of a flash mob before I die, and judging by my cholesterol level, that’s probably pretty soon. So, I’ve been saying I want to do it but the Modern Family repeat last week reminded that I should look into it. Luckily, there is a Facebook fan page about a Boston Flash Mob! I don’t know the deets but I submitted my email to be on their info list and I’m pretty freakin’ excited about it. I love the idea of different kinds of people getting together and doing a choreographed dance for absolutely no reason… you know like in the final scene of Teen Witch. Although I’m sure there will be much less shoulder pads in the Boston one and the little person from Poltergeist probably won’t be there, but FINGERS CROSSED!  Who’s with me?! For those of you who aren’t…. I’ll remember that when you unleash your life goals to me one day through your blog. Boo. Here’s the FB link: Boston Flash Mob – first rehearsal is Feb. 13 at different times during the day.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion

I’ll just say this. Tonight’s Part 2 better be better than Part 1. No Allison DuBois? No Jiggy? What the hell was that? I mean there were a couple of good jabs and stuff but I was underwhelmed. A couple of things…

1. Andy Cohen, these housewives have cooks, housekeepers, assistants, nannies, pool boys. You don’t think they have someone who goes food shopping for them? Were you trying to prove a point when you asked them how much a gallon of milk was and no one knew? Of course they are out of touch with reality… this isn’t a revelation.

Yipee! We should start a club and get jackets!

2. I’m glad Adrienne came around and took the tinsel out of her hair because she is the one that is quite possibly the most down to earth even though she is the richest. I did however notice that there is a new imperfection to hone in on now that the tinsel is gone, and it’s actually one that I really respect. She has uneven nostrils! It made me love her even more because I do too! I’m sure it’s from picking my nose when I was little (or now), but whenever I ask my friend Pauline if I have a bat in the cave and lean my head back she has this evil grinch smirk on her face because to her, my snout is very entertaining. How cool though? I have something in common with a bazillionaire. Success? No. Prestige? No. Wealth? No. Abnormality/Deformity? YES.

3. Can we please get over Kim not speaking up in defense of Kyle in the Camille fight? Let it go people. It was an argument. She’s not the devil… just a psycho. You knew she was never confrontational to begin with… you think that’s gonna change because Frasier’s wife is crying about the word insecure? She’s not. And to be honest, do you want her even chiming in on your defense? It seems like whenever Kim opens her mouth, it’s dumb and she’s twitching. You think people take her seriously on this show and that she’ll be the voice of reason to put all of this bickering to rest? Absolutely not, she’d make it worse. Kyle she did you a favor!

That’s all. If on tonight’s reunion they really don’t show Jiggy wearing some kind of professional outfit, I’m deleting all of the housewives from my Twitter following list. BEWARE, LADIES.

Jersey Shore

First off, I hated Angelina, but in the opening credits, I kinda miss her bellowing, UM, HELLO at the very end.

Deena gets the hospitality award. I actually was impressed that she took Ryder around town while Snooki was looking for juiceheads to switch Jenni’s lock. But then again, Deena has no friends so a new, unassuming girl is like a gold bar to her.

Off topic, but I was very surprised that the JS people knew who Bjork was and referenced her. Impressive!  But back to business. Sammi’s the worst, huh? I almost peed when Ronnie said, “You want me to bring her over here, she’ll show you her c-section.” If that doesn’t prove a point, I don’t know what will. Imagine if she said, yes! God, I was secretly praying she would. I mean I’d look away if the lady did come over to show Sammi, because 1- I’m squeamish and 2- the thought of pregnancy makes me sick, but still. It’d be so JS if a tanned lady at a bar lifted her shirt to show a scar to prove she’s taken. Awesome.

At this time, I’d like to give a huge shout out to the MTV editing department. You guys all need a raise, and if you want me to write a strongly worded letter to the big guys in your defense, I totally will. Might not help, but what the hell. When Sammi punched Ronnie, then it was silent, then they started singing Happy Birthday to Ryder… well that was like dessert after a feast. How spoiled am I? I get a Bjork comment, a possible C-section viewing to prove a point, grenade whistle, and discussion about Deena’s “interests” and then beautiful editing all in one episode! MERRY CHRISTMAS! I gave a little kid $1 for the vending machine to get his system revved up on juice and a high-fructose corn syrupy snack…. God must have been paying attention to my good deed. You’re welcome.

I really wish Sammi went home in this episode, I was bummed when Ronnie let her back. I saw online the other day they really still are together. Whatever. Let them be miserable and get bed sores. I hope they have ugly kids.

Before I wrap up my thoughts on Jersey Shore… we can’t not talk about barber shop discussion. A couple of things…

1. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!! GRRRRRROOOOSSSSSSSSS!!!! I’m not saying it is true or not, but one of Miah’s friends said that Barber Shop talk doesn’t lie, Deena does. So say it is true… DUDE, YOU’RE ON TV. You now need to have an internal bad decision blocker and limit what you say/do that could possibly look bad. I know there is some leeway when it comes to the Jersey Shore kids but yowzers, this is bad. In a sick way, I am sure that she probably got some new Facebook stalkers…. you know, like Davecat. Meow.

2. Deena was wearing a tshirt at the gym that said, “I’ve got an Italian attitude.” I really hope her grandmother bought that for her as a Christmas gift and that she didn’t pick that out for herself. I hate those people that have to tell you how they are so you think about them what they think about them. Like Katy Perry, she always says, I’m quirky. No, you’re trying too hard. If you have to tell someone how you are, you aren’t. I bet Deena’s got a Cambodian dad or something. That’s probably why the garage isn’t painted in Italian colors anymore. Way to blow it, newbie.

3. I love Jenni but a tube top at the gym? Really? …Really?

Jerseylicious

Did you guys watch the finale? They had New Jersey Fashion Week. (Silence)

Recap:

Tracey finds her soulmate in 10 minutes at a club a few days before the show… they have a mutual love of onions and SUV, formerly SVU.

I spotted Kim G. from Housewives of New Jersey taking a seat in the front row of the fashion show and got pumped that I recognized a reality star in a reality show that wasn’t theirs. Yeah, I’m a loser.

Olivia’s outfit looked like the New Jersey version of Janet Jackson in her Control video, but with shoulder pads, obvi.

Alexa looks like a chicken nugget who moves their hands too much. I can’t stand her.

Moral of the Story: Uneven nostrils are socially acceptable. Deena’s taste in what she does with men and choice of t-shirts are not.

Just a Thought: Today, while I was watching The Pregnancy Pact followed by the encore presentation of Craigslist Killer on Lifetime, they showed the commercial for the Amanda Knox story that will air on Feb 21! YESSSS! So happy Hayden can take time out from the dolphins to perform this tragic story for the masses. P.U.M.P.E.D.

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3 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Pauline said,

    Beth, I love you and your uneven nostrils! I’m watching that show on TLC right now about not knowing you’re pregnant. Have you watched? You’d freak. Yuck!


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