Thug Life.

On Saturday night, Miah and I met some friends for dinner before we went to go see The Fighter. I realize we are the last people in Massachusetts to see this movie, so I’m not reporting anything new, but that movie was amazing. Christian Bale played such a convincing crack head that I swear to God I’ve seen him at Fields Corner train station. I felt bad for him a bit – I mean, among his many issues, he was convinced that they were filming a documentary about his comeback, when it was really about addiction. Ouchie. Amy Adams, I was completely impressed with – so far, she’s the only Disney princess turned serious actress that I actually respect. Being nasty came so completely easy to her, that I’d like to initiate her into my group of friends. Bitchy non-essential defensiveness is a prerequisite that we take pretty seriously.

Our friends Corrie and Chris just came back from doing their wedding registry so since

Boo Hoo.

they were gun happy and in wedding mode, I told them about My Big Redneck Wedding. I mean, I was just trying to help and give Chris an idea for a wedding gift for Corrie on the day of…. jewelry? No. A pistol? Yes. I think that show has a few new fans now.

Corrie, is as equally obsessed with Bravo TV as I am and in fact got a Tweet back from Kyle Richards from RHOBH this week. Lucky bitch. Her fiance, Chris, is more like my boyfriend with sports as the priority but he’s interested in pop culture and so he brought up a subject that we had a dead serious conversation at the table about for 10 solid minutes. Jennifer Aniston.

His theory is that she has to be the biggest bitch alive if she is still single. With the exception of Brad Pitt, since everyone knows that Angelina ruined that relationship, she’s dated John Mayer, Gerard Butler, Adam Duritz, Jon Stewart, Paul Rudd, Vince Vaughn, but is still single. She’s hot. She dresses well. She’s classy. Has an amazing career. She’s funny. She’s single. So he thinks she must be a wicked biatch. He brings up a good point, but maybe she’s just picky? I don’t know what do you think? I think she should date Bruce Willis because I really liked them as a couple on Friends.

But anyway, I didn’t blog on Thursday night because, quite frankly, I was in a reality-tv coma. Jersey Shore, American Idol and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills finale. My apologies. Down to business…

Jersey Shore

First off, where did Snooki get the Thug Life trucker hat? That made my night and I love that the little munchkin with a pink leopard print tank, Gucci bag and a pouf that is looking more like a Martha Washington wig these days is wearing that hat. I think it would go perfectly with my Armani-Exchange-rhinestone-Ed-Hardy-ish tshirt that I plan on wearing on Jersdays. Birthday is in July, people!

Ronnie’s a geek. I know that flirting with a guy in a club and giving him a kiss on the cheek probably isn’t the best route to go when you have a serious boyfriend, but JWow really didn’t do anything wrong. Then he’s in the confessional talking about her being a shady bitch and a hypocrite after she talked to Tom on the phone that night. C’mon bro! No. Talking to someone and having sex with someone and then going to bed with your girlfriend… um, yeah you’re still the douchebag. The only good thing about him getting camera time in this episode was that every time they showed him, Miah would yell out, “Look at that huge zit on his back!”

The Ron look-a-like was hilarious and the fact that when Deena had to go change into a bikini for the hot tub, she felt the need to add a cowboy hat to her ensemble was even funnier. Yeehaw!

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Second to Lisa, Kyle is my favorite housewife. But this finale made me mad at her, well also the episode where she got a bikini wax in front of her teenage daughter. But nevertheless, everyone knows Kim is on another planet. We knew that from the second episode when she said that paparazzi were telling Paris that she was an icon. Michael Jackson. Whitney Houston. Marilyn Monroe. Those are icons. Kim Richards? Never heard of her. But regardless, Kim didn’t do anything wrong in this episode and was attacked by everyone. I felt bad for her. And I felt even worse for Martin. Poor guy was just trying to get lucky and instead got trapped in a limo with fist slinging sisters. Jeesh! Dating is not what it used to be.

Taylor even said on Watch What Happens Live after the show that she never intended for it to be a fight, that she just wanted to talk to Kim but when Kim stood up, Taylor was immediately on defense. So, Taylor, just a thought – why didn’t you ask Kim to sit down and start the conversation off in a non-abrasive tone and tell her you are looking to make things right? Oh, because you WERE looking for a fight. I get it now.

I felt bad for Camille too. Can you imagine walking into your apartment and having the doorman question who you are and then have to show identification!? Yikes. I can’t wait for the reunion! And to see Giggy again.

Jerseylicious

Oh New Jersey Fashion Week…. I don’t get it. I was expecting more bedazzlers. So disappointed. Anyway, I really hate Alexa. She makes me think that this show is even more scripted than I ever thought. She’s the worst actress. But is it just me or is she looking like she hangs out with Christian Bale lately? She’s a hairdresser and a makeup artist, correct? Her hair doesn’t match her roots which doesn’t match her eyebrows. Her face doesn’t match the color of her neck. Ladies, do you remember when you were younger and you went drinking all night and you’d go into the restroom at 1 a.m., look in the mirror and think, Damn I look good, but then you’d see pictures of yourself and you actually looked like a $2 hooker? Well, that’s what Alexa looks like daily… and intentionally. She tries to be funny too but it just makes me want to mace even more than I did before. When she said that she had a connection with the designer and how it was comparable to when a French person sees another French person at Starbucks and they connect and start speaking their language. What? Didn’t Starbucks originate in Seattle?

I used to be able to take Olivia’s getup, because I actually like her so her makeup never bothered me. But this week, YIKES! She wore a red blazer and looked like a clown. Then when her and Anthony went to go visit the designer… the zebra jumpsuit! Are you kidding me?! But even worse, how about Tracey’s white head piece poinsettia thingie that she’s been wearing on her head? I’d like to think that someone would stop me but I guess when it comes to reality tv, ratings are more important than my dignity and reputation. That and maybe she had a tap dance recital immediately after.

How about Doria too? That poor designer that she was doing her makeup for. I couldn’t stop laughing. If someone who was doing my makeup was sweating, complaining and panting like that… I’d call 911. Clearly she’s having a heart attack. But good tv is good tv.

Moral of the Story: It’s a lot of work being a woman, but get the makeup right and keep the waxes personal.

Just a thought: Is Russel Simmons the only public figure with a lisp? I’m jealous he can do yoga better than me.

Show Off.

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2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Sunny said,

    I love your blogs Beth. And I am 96.3% sure that with some spotting, we could get into that pose. Let’s work on it; Sunday dinner?!

  2. 2

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