It’s a Party in the USA

American Idol

My freshman year of college, there would be some weekend nights that I wouldn’t go out. I never had a sip of alcohol until I was just about 20 years old, so even though I’d still go out and hang, there would be weekends when being around belligerent drunks when you’re not in the mood would just kind of suck. I had a lot of cool people who would either stay in with me or come home early to see what kind of antics we could get in and mess with the drunk kids when they got home.

We’d do stupid stuff to confuse people like modge podge outfits on all the “Men” and “Women” outside the bathrooms in the building and get into our friends rooms and duct tape spider webs -sticky side out- in the doorway so when they opened their doors they’d get stuck in it (watching drunk girls try to get their hair out of it was hilarious). But the best memory of my nights in was when myself and two of my best guy friends would perform ‘Elevator Band.’

We would take the furniture from the 10th floor lounge and move it into the elevator. I had an electronic mini-fiddle that you could play regularly or press the button for a prerecorded ditty, Jeff had a guitar and Seth had a finger piano. We’d ride the elevator for hours and have dead serious expressions on our faces when the elevator doors would open and kids would try to get on, seeing us all sitting there having a jam session. We’d play a song and they couldn’t decide if it was really happening or if they were just really drunk and hallucinating. We thought it was a nice little treat, you know, giving the residents a little elevator music for their travels. You’re welcome.

That was the closest I ever came to a musical career. But I really think “Elevator Band” could have made it huge had we had Yoji Pop in our group. When I saw him last night on American Idol I realized that eyeliner, MJ dance moves and a Miley Cyrus song contained in an Asian body were exactly what we were missing. Granted, Miley was 7 years old during all of this and was probably just trying to figure out how to tie her shoes, but still, we could have been something.

My Strange Addiction

Have you guys seen this masterpiece on TLC yet?? I swear to God, TLC is coming out with some real doozies lately, I couldn’t be prouder. Anyway, if you haven’t seen this and you have my sense of humor, you have to see it. They have people who are addicted to the weirdest stuff. The first episode I saw was a woman who was addicted to eating toilet paper and another lady who was addicted to sleeping with her blow dryer. The second episode I saw there was a woman who was addicted to cats and another lady who couldn’t speak unless she was holding a ventriloquism doll. I ALMOST LOST IT. Her sister was like Hey, dude, I’m trying to talk to you. She’d walk around with the roll-trunk with her dolls in them. I’m talking dates, restaurants, shopping. I hate it when I’m out to dinner with people and someone is texting… I can only imagine my reaction if someone whipped out a dummy and tried to have a conversation with me through it, I’d probably flip the table. Who am I kidding, they’d be my new best friend and I’d love it.

But it gets better, last night they had a woman who was addicted to eating powdered household cleaner (she needed all of her teeth removed) and another lady who ate the stuffing out of couches (she later needed surgery for damage to her intestines). I bet the couch lady doesn’t get invited out to many people’s houses when they have company over. Either that or they make her sit on a lawn chair and sweat it out.

That episode ended and a commercial for a repeat came on that I’m going to have to catch this weekend. The second it came on, I lit up like a Christmas tree and had a smile from ear to ear with eyes watering and everything. Miah got up and went to bed and said he couldn’t handle watching that one if it came on. I was so disappointed it wasn’t on, but it may be one I’ll need company for, I mean, I can’t keep all of this joy to myself, can I? It focuses on Lauren, who is addicted to wearing a bunny suit. Like, wears it to parties and doesn’t get paid. Um, when can I hang out with her? I think between her and the ventriloquist lady – we’d have a very entertaining party. I hope they have like a recap show and get them all in one room together. I might explode from happiness.

It’s sad though, these people are struggling and I shouldn’t take joy in it. But you know TLC made this show 5% for someone else like that to relate to, 95% for entertainment, so I’m set. They do have everything though: scab pickers, hair pullers, 24 year old thumb suckers, women who talk to their shoes like they are children. But next week is about Davecat and his silicon wife, aka Beth’s Christmas.

I.CAN'T.WAIT.

My Strange Addiction clips.

Moral of the Story: It’s a party.

Just a Thought: Jesse James is a scumbag and now I’m not sure if I can watch LA Ink anymore. Kat von Dee had broken my heart.

 

 

 

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